Mind the Gap

When the ER called this weekend and let me know that the next new admission had metastatic cancer and was being admitted for diverticulitis, I immediately felt a pit in my stomach.  Over the years, I have seen time and time again where a patient with cancer presents to the ER who is clearly declining.  What often happens, is that the ER sees that they are sick and then will find something on imaging that will allow them to admit the patient to the hospital.  Usually it is “pneumonia.”  It is never pneumonia. It is cancer and it is time to have “the talk.”  This time there was a little bit of inflammation around the colon, but there was cancer everywhere.

As I came to see him we talked about the diagnosis but then I asked him what kind of care he wanted as things got worse and the cancer progressed.  He tearfully confessed that he was tired of seeing doctors. He was tired of feeling sick, of having no appetite, of having no energy.  He just wanted to go home and be with his family.  You see, with the COVID craze we are all in, he is not allowed to have any visitors.  He asked me to call his wife so we got on speaker phone together.  She was rather upset that he was considering stopping the treatments but as we discussed everything together, she started to see things from his eyes and softened quite a bit.

It broke my heart to not just have these conversations with them but that they couldn’t do this together.  This time of isolation can tear us apart if we are not careful.  At the hospital, I am trying to take the extra time to call the families that would otherwise be there.

In stark contrast, we met all together as a family today to discuss scriptures as our Sunday worship.  It is rare to have all of us together, but we could do it thanks to technology.  I was finishing at the hospital, everyone else was at the home and we included a good friend and my in-laws as well.  We had such a good discussion together.  How blessed I felt to feel so close to each of them despite our separation.

Later today I connected with my mother and my son on a three way call to wish him a happy birthday.  I also called my cousin to catch up.  It had been too long since I took the time to call.  Sometimes when we strip our lives down to the bare necessities, we remember what is the most important.  Let’s not let this time of isolation to distance the gaps with those we love.  With some effort, we can reconnect and grow even close.  It is time to mind the gap.